Grief After a Breakup: Getting Over a Separation in Madrid
A breakup is not only the end of a relationship: it is the loss of a life plan, of a routine, of a person you counted on. If you feel the ground has gone from under you, that the pain is overwhelming and that no one seems to understand why it affects you so much, I want to tell you something important: your grief is real and legitimate.
I am Alejandro Cabeza, a Health Psychologist (licence M-37719) specialising in EMDR. I support you in moving through the grief after a separation, in processing the painful bond, and in rebuilding yourself, rather than staying trapped in the loss.
Do you need a space of your own to work on it? Discover individual therapy.
Grief after a breakup is real and legitimate
We tend to associate the word "grief" with the death of a loved one, but losing an important relationship also sets off a full grieving process. When someone with whom you shared your daily life is no longer there, the brain and the body experience it as a profound loss. That is why sadness, anxiety, insomnia, loss of appetite, anger or a sense of emptiness that is hard to explain appear. You are not overreacting and you are not too sensitive: you are processing a loss, and that hurts.
The stages of grief after a separation
Grief is not a straight line and does not progress the same way for everyone, but it usually moves through recognisable phases that come and go:
- ✓ Denial and disbelief: it is hard to accept that the relationship has really ended.
- ✓ Pain and disorganisation: intense sadness, crying, longing and the "what ifs" appear.
- ✓ Anger and guilt: towards the other, towards yourself or towards the situation.
- ✓ Bargaining: the temptation to go back, to fix it, to seek one last chance.
- ✓ Acceptance and rebuilding: the pain settles and you start looking ahead again.
It is normal to move back and forth between these phases. The goal is not to "turn the page quickly", but to integrate what you have lived so you can move forward without the pain taking up everything.
Why avoiding memories and places does not help you move on
When something hurts so much, it is natural to dodge everything that reminds you of it: changing your route to avoid certain places, deleting photos, not talking about it. Avoidance relieves things in the short term, but it tells your brain that the memory is dangerous, and so the pain stays "frozen" without being processed. That is why it can still hurt just as much months later. Moving on is not about forcing yourself to forget, but about being able to approach those memories in a different way, with less anguish, until they no longer hold so much power over you.
How I support you in therapy
My approach starts from attachment and draws on EMDR. A breakup hits hard because it activates our bonding system, the one that connects us to the people who matter. In the first sessions I give you a safe space to put words to what you feel and to understand what makes this loss weigh so much. Then, with EMDR therapy we work on the most painful moments of the bond and the separation —the last conversation, the betrayal, the abandonment, the images that keep replaying— in order to process and integrate them. That way the memory stops flooding you, the anguish decreases and you regain the ability to look towards your own life.
In person in Madrid and online
I accompany grief after a breakup in person in Madrid and also online, with the same effectiveness, so you can start taking care of yourself wherever you are. I have over 7 years of clinical experience in Spain and in Massachusetts (USA) and I specialise in EMDR, trauma and attachment.
Frequently asked questions
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
There is no fixed timeline: it depends on the intensity of the bond, how it ended and your personal history. What matters is not how long it takes, but that the grief is worked through instead of getting stuck. When it is well supported, the pain stops taking over everything.
Is it normal to feel this way?
Yes. Sadness, anxiety, insomnia, anger, guilt or a sense of emptiness are normal reactions to an important loss. A breakup activates the attachment system, which is why it can hurt both physically and emotionally. Feeling it is not weakness.
When should I seek help?
It is worth seeking help if weeks go by and the distress does not ease, if you cannot sleep, work or relate to others, if you stay hooked on the other person, or if very dark thoughts appear. Asking for help is not an overreaction: it is taking care of yourself.
Can therapy be online?
Yes, I offer online sessions that are just as effective as in-person ones, so that distance or scheduling are not an obstacle at a delicate time.