The shame that holds you back: where it comes from and how to expose yourself little by little

There are times when you stay home, avoid speaking up or quietly drop out of a plan, and underneath it all there is just one thing: shame. That intense, uncomfortable sense of being blocked that shows up when we feel exposed to the gaze of others. Here I explain where it comes from and how to start stepping out of that block, one step at a time.

What shame is and why it blocks you

Shame shows up as an intense block that keeps us from acting like ourselves. It appears when we feel exposed to other people's gaze and fear their judgement. In small doses it's perfectly normal; the problem is when it grows so big that it shrinks your life: you stop doing things, stop speaking, stop letting yourself be seen.

Where it comes from

Behind a shame that paralyses you there is usually a learned fear of not being enough, of criticism or of rejection. Sometimes it grows out of experiences where being seen was painful. That's why it doesn't go away by simply "toughening up": you have to understand where it comes from and work through it gently.

How to step out of the block, little by little

• ✓ Explore the why behind that shame, without judging yourself for feeling it.
• ✓ Expose yourself gradually to settings that give you some sense of safety, starting small.
• ✓ Surround yourself with people who look at you with understanding and let you express yourself.
• ✓ Acknowledge your progress: every step, however small it may seem, counts.

How therapy helps

In individual therapy we work to understand where your shame comes from and to help you expose yourself little by little, at your own pace, until the gaze of others stops paralysing you. When painful experiences lie underneath, EMDR therapy helps to ease their weight. I'm here to walk alongside you, with no rush and no judgement.